A Heart Without a Beat
by sukinyaproductions
Summary: His smiles are painful to look at. Sure, they were forced before, but he could put some light into his eyes. Now, he may as well be dead, for he is going through the motions of life without really living, and it hurts everyone to see him so broken. Parental!RoyEd, self-harm, this will have dark and occasional intense moments.


A/N – This is my first time posting a story online, so please be gentle, and enjoy!

Disclaimer – Alas, I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or its characters. They belong to the genius mind of Arakawa-sensei/Hiromu Arakawa.

The atmosphere, dark and tense, reminds Ed of the day they tried to bring back their mother. Rain beats down around the warehouse they are in, making the wind cold and biting. Ed carefully draws the human transmutation circle, checking it for the slightest mistake once it's complete. Not finding any, Ed fingers the Philosopher's Stone in his hand. Ignoring the warning bells ringing in his head, he looks at his younger brother, who is in the middle of the aforementioned circle. Ed gives Al a reassuring smile.

"Are you ready, Al?" he asks, confidence resonating from his voice.

"Ready, brother!" the armor exclaims, excited and nervous.

"Ok, let's do this!" With the Philosopher's Stone in hand, Ed claps his hands together before slamming them onto the edge of the circle. Familiar blue and gold light emerges from around the circle and Ed's heart soars at the idea of his brother finally getting his body back. But it plummets immediately when the blue and gold changes to purple and red.

"Ed!" He looks to Al and sees him slowly being deconstructed.

"No!" That damn eye appears in the middle of the circle and those creepy black hand things come and snatch up Al, who screams in horror. "_AL!_" Before Ed can even get up, a big flash of light blinds him. When he opens his eyes, terror fills him. There stands Truth in front of the Gate.

"You truly are a foolish child, aren't you?" Truth says, sounding disappointed.

"But we had a Philosopher's Stone! It was _right there!_ How can there be a rebound?!" Ed demands, horrified.

"When was it guaranteed that the Stone would work, alchemist?" Truth shoots back.

"What toll are you going to make me pay this time then, huh?" Ed asks, not allowing the fear he feels to creep into his voice.

"Oh, I think your pain and guilt will be toll enough!" Truth laughs, a huge, creepy smile spread across his face. "For this time, your mistakes will cost you your precious baby brother!" Another bright flash of light, though when Ed opens his eyes he is back in the warehouse. Mustering up his courage, he glances to the center of the circle. His gold eyes widen and his strong heart, the strength that had earned him the name 'Fullmetal', shatters.

He has to admit, it's amazing how similar Al looks to mother. Limbs bent at impossible angles and internal organs on the outside. The grotesque creature lies limp in a growing pool of blood. Ed feels a tear stream down his cheek. Look at what he did, to _his own brother! _This is all his fault, he _knew _this would happen if he failed, and he still did it! He killed his baby brother in the worst, most painful way possible. Soon, Ed is all out crying, sobbing, screaming his guilt and anguish to the world as he grieves the last family he had. He falls to his knees and clutches his head, shrieking curses to his infinite stupidity.

He doesn't know how long he's been kneeling in front of his brother's body, but his head snaps up when he hears the door to the warehouse open. He watches as Mustang and his team burst into the room. Falman and Fuery stay at the entrance, making sure no one else comes in. Mustang runs up to Ed as soon as he sees him. The colonel looks angry and worried, which confuses the young blonde.

"Edward Elric, what the _hell _have you been doing?!" Mustang roars, pulling Ed to his feet in order to make eye contact. "Do you have any idea how _worried _we all were?!"

"…What are you talking about?" Ed asks, his voice raspy and weak.

"Ed, you've been gone for three days." Hawkeye replies, tone soft and almost motherly. Ed's golden eyes widen in shock. Three days? _Three days?! _How could he have been so out of it that he didn't even realize he had been sitting in the warehouse for three whole days?

"Ed…? What the hell is that?" Mustang asks, horror laced in his voice. Ed realizes that Mustang is referring to the rotting corpse in the middle of the room. He doesn't respond, just keeps his eyes trained on the floor. "Fullmetal, what the _hell _did you do?!" Mustang roughly grabs Ed's chin, forcing the teen to make eye contact. The look in Edward's eyes is much like it was the day Roy offered him a job in the military. Broken, his will shattered by the horrors that he has gone though. But most of all, the thing that frightens Roy the most, is the fire that normally burns in Ed's eyes is missing, taking the strength and will that came with it and replacing them with a haunted, grief-stricken guilt that gnaws on Mustang's insides.

And that's when it clicked. The blood, the… _thing _in the center of the room, the tear stains on the teen's face… Oh, _God._ Releasing his grip on Ed's chin, Roy immediately pulls the young boy into a tight hug, shocking everyone in the room.

However, everyone is shocked even more so when Ed throws himself into Roy's arms so harshly that they both go toppling to the ground, Ed atop Roy, both of them hugging still. Edward lets out a heart-wrenching sob, tears escaping his tightly closed eyes.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! I'm sorry!" Ed's desperate wails are shrieked into Roy's shoulder, for the person he needs to say them to is gone. And he's never coming back. "Al! I'm so, so, so, _so sorry_!" No one speaks, listening to Ed, letting him the moment of weakness he needs, wondering how he will ever recover from this.

After what seems like an eternity, Roy realizes that Ed has passed out, unable to take the torment thrust upon him. Mustang picks Ed up and, carrying him bridal style, says to his team "Come on, we're leaving."

"But, sir…" Hawkeye's voice is shaky, hating to see the two brothers everyone cares about so much like this. "What should we do about Alphones'… body?" Thinking about this for a moment, the colonel makes his decision, and hopes that Ed won't hate him for it.

"Everybody stay back." The colonel raises his hand, aims carefully at the _thing _in the room, and snaps. Flames immediately engulf it, slowly reducing it to nothing more than a scorch mark on the floor. "Now, let's go." With that, Roy carries the child out of the room, his ever faithful team following behind him, not having a clue how the teen will come back from this, and not having any idea what to do to help him do so.

A/N- And there it is! My first fanfic ever! Please review, telling me whether or not you liked it, and if you didn't, why, so I can make it better! Just so you know, I did my best to proofread this, but I could have missed something, so if you notice anything, please tell me! Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I hope you enjoy the next chapter! See you then!


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